I couldn’t wait to start writing this post because I needed help.

I knew I was spinning my wheels on all of my posts and felt like I was getting no where. I dropped everything else to work on this one hoping I could give myself some answers as to what was wrong.

I have such a hard time getting started some times and when I do get started often I can’t focus. One thing that bothers me is am I getting enough done quickly enough. Another thing that bothers me is how much should I do or how long should I work. All of these things mess with my focus.

Sometimes I can set a goal like 2 hours a day to work on a post. But then I start working on it and I feel like it’s not enough time. It’s almost like setting that goal holds me back. So if I start thinking that it’s not enough time then I start to worry if I’ll get enough done and that’s in my mind and hampers my writing. But if I decide I’ll do 4 hours a day then it seems overwhelming. That’s a lot of time to put into it what with all the other things I have to do. I can only do so much.

This affects my drive. Why work on it when I can’t get it done? Or certainly not enough. I surely can’t enjoy working on it, not in that frame of mind. I’m miserable, some times.

I believe that the culprit is worrying about the outcome. Not enjoying the process. Man, it can ruin anything. Even the most enjoyable things you used to work on until you started grading yourself.

Maybe I set the wrong type of goal. Instead of deciding how much I’m going to get done, I should set a goal about how long I’ll work on it. If I decide to work on something for one hour per day then that never changes. What changes from day to day is how much I get done. Some days not much at all and other days I’m producing like you wouldn’t believe. But overall it averages out to be nicely productive.

Also, if I work on a new post I feel like I’m getting something done. I see new words on the page and I feel like I’m having a good outcome. But if I want to tweak a post I’ve already written I feel like I’m not getting that much done. Materially it may not make a lot of difference. It will make it a better post but I may not see a lot of change. I may only add a few more words or maybe I’ll add a few here and remove a few there and it works out the same. Or maybe I’ll even wind up with fewer words. There’s not a lot materially to show. I seem to not focus on the fact that qualitatively it’s a better post. So I’m judging my outcome on how much quantitatively I’m getting done. I’m focused too much on the outcome.

I have created my own work place stress

I’m retired. The only boss I have is me and I’m really hard on my self. Maybe I’m doing just fine, but our American culture of super productivity is what is ruining it all. I am productive. Overall, very productive. Just not all the time. But it averages out to be good work done.

There is absolutely no doubt, I am at my best when not under pressure and stress. Sometimes I get ahead and that’s when I really start getting productive. I think it’s because there’s no stress and nothing competing with my focus. No worry in the back of my mind of how I’m doing.

Sometimes I just have to be exhausted with worry before I can step back, relax and put my thoughts together. That works and I become productive again. But that’s not the way I want to handle the situation. Sometimes I’ll wake up from a good night’s sleep and start working on a post and get a phenomenal amount of work done. But I’m starting to realize that I can’t expect that to happen all the time. No one is at their best all the time.

I’m not sure why I have to pressure myself on writing a post or anything else I want to do. There are other things I do that I don’t worry about my productivity and it seems with these things I get a lot done. And I enjoy doing it. I can get lost in something and have the best time and get a lot done without worrying about it.

I think that writing this post has helped me. I had to think about what’s been going on and why I think it’s like it is.