Thankfully, most people don’t have any serious physical problems. There are problems you can have but most are not too bad. At least most of the time. But there are some other problems that people have that can be serious and long lasting. Absolutely devastating. And it is a lot of people!

So many people are suffering from doubt, anger and fear. A lack of confidence and self-esteem. Afraid to go out. To try something new. Or just try anything. Not happy with themselves. Expecting the worst. Afraid or distraught, everyday.

All of these are things that exist in our heads. We read books, go to seminars, watch videos and visit therapists just to change the way we think. We spend a lot of time and money just so we can see ourselves differently.

The Cure Is To Think Differently

Don’t get me wrong. This is real. This is a real problem sometimes just as bad or worse than a physical problem. I have this problem, too. And there’s nothing wrong with trying to get help for it. It’s just that sometimes it’s amazing how so many of our problems, maybe the majority of them, are because of what we think. How we view the world in our heads. And the cure is to think differently.

Not always. Sometimes you have a chemical imbalance that causes depression. That is a physical problem that requires medication and therapy. But if your depression and anxiety is caused by a lack of confidence or self-esteem or thinking that things will never get better then that’s a different type of treatment. That requires a different outlook. A new way of viewing yourself and your world.

You thoughts can make you miserable or set you free

Sometimes it’s just amazing to see how some people are suffering over what they think and others are not. One group sees things differently than the other. In many, many cases that is the only difference. Your thoughts can make you miserable or set you free.

Maybe you don’t have a chemical imbalance but you have had a string of bad luck like losing a job or a loved one. Or you don’t look like a model or a bodybuilder. Or you’re short. All these things can affect the way you think. Maybe you don’t have a lot of money and don’t have a nice car or nice clothes.

Not Being Cavalier

I’m not being cavalier by saying the cure is to think differently. I really think it is, but I know that’s easier said than done. I struggle with it, too. But it has helped me a lot to realize that attitude can make such a big difference. A positive difference. Sometimes it helps me to think about how things would be different if I thought differently. It’s certainly entertaining to explore all the possibilities. It’s easy to do when alone and in the comfort of my own home. I like to image what it would be like to not worry about what others think of me. That’s one of my favorites.

Possibilities – How things would be if you thought differently?

What are the possibilities? What would it be like if you just thought differently about some things? Not if things changed but if you changed. Your attitude about them changed. We spend so much time and money trying to change our thoughts. We want confidence. What is confidence? It’s when you think confidently and that you can achieve what you set out to do or handle it if things don’t go well.  We want happiness. What is happiness? It’s when you think things are going well or they’re not but you know you can handle it until they do get better.

What are you saying to the self-help gurus?

“Here’s my money for your course. Now, make me think differently. You don’t have to change any concrete things going on in my life or any of my circumstance. Just what I think about them. You don’t have to change what’s really going on. Just how I see them. You don’t have to give me any new abilities that will boost my confidence. Just make me feel confident the way I am. All I’m asking for is new thought processes.”.

Why do I always doubt myself and what I’m trying to do? It just drains the ambition out of me. I try to encourage myself but so often I feel like I’m losing. That I’ll never get it. Others can do it but I doubt that I can. The word that comes to mind is despair. And then comes anger. Just so angry because it doesn’t seem fair.

I’m not asking for anything be given to me. I’ll work for what I get, but I feel that all the work I do will be for nothing because I just don’t have what it takes. Something will cause me to fail. It’s like good things don’t come my way.

 

I’m getting nowhere. I have a plan. I have a goal but it’s not working. I can’t focus. I keep checking something. I keep watching something. I keep coming back to something.  What is it? It’s my progress. I’m looking over my own shoulder. I’m judging myself.

I have a goal but even if I make it something is bothering me. Even if I’m on schedule something is wrong. Maybe I’m afraid it’s not a good enough goal. I think maybe I’m just afraid of getting behind. I’m on schedule now but what about an hour or two from now? I don’t like to play catch up. So I try to get far ahead. Then I feel confident. But after a while, my lead starts to shorten and I get worried again about getting behind.

It also bothers me that I’m not typing. I can be sitting here thinking about what to say but it’s like I few that as not getting anything done. I have to be typing. I need to see words and sentences and paragraphs that I’ve written.

I started this post this morning, 5 minutes a go, and it’s already going badly. Actually, I started another post but started on this one to document the troubles I’m having with all of it. Last night, I had planned my day today. A very productive day where I could get a lot done. I was very pleased with the plan I had come up with.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve managed to work about two hours a day on my blog and I had gotten a lot done. So I thought I could get more done if I put more time into it.

The two hours per day were easy but this morning I can’t seem to get started. Or I get started but I can’t stay focused.

I Can’t Enjoy My Break

My mind is racing. I have set this new goal and I don’t know if I can do it. I have doubled the time I’m going to put into it which meant I needed to get started as soon as I woke up. Now I feel under pressure.

There’s nothing wrong with setting a goal or working hard. But if it’s too ambitious we can feel overwhelmed and we can’t think about anything but can we do it.

I was going to try to put in a certain amount of time in the first part of the morning, take a break then get started again. I did the first part of the time and I was actually ahead. So I was ready to take a break. But then I got to worrying about starting the second part of the morning. What if I don’t get ahead and I can’t take a break or what if I get behind? Now I can’t enjoy my break.  I was so excited last night, but I’m not now.

I was getting more done two hours a day than I am now. And after thinking about it, I got more than two hours done. It seemed so doable that I didn’t feel pressure. Often I would do more. I felt in control. I worked in a relaxed manner and when I took a break I wasn’t worried about how I was doing. Now I’m feeling too much pressure.

My goal has to be what’s right for me. Not what I hear about other people doing. These other people, some of them may feel as overwhelmed as I do.

There’s a perfect balance you need to get things done. The goal can be challenging and the challenge can make you feel like you’ve really accomplished something. But if it’s too much you feel overwhelmed.

Sometimes I get more done when I just don’t care how much I get done. I don’t have a goal and it’s pressure free. And then I enjoy the work. I don’t want to be like that all the time, though. I do want to set a goal and work toward it. That’s what works most of the time.

It helps when I stop and ask myself what is wrong. And I can admit to myself that I feel overwhelmed. So I did that this morning and it really helped. In fact, I think I’m back on track to accomplish my new goal. I stopped working to think about what was bothering me which should have put me behind but it worked. I’m back on track and doing fine.

Now I’m back to my new goal. And it’s going fine. Same goal as an hour ago but what’s different is my attitude. At first I didn’t think I could do it then I saw that I could. I just needed a different way to look at it. I have my focus back and I’m being productive without a lot of anxiety.

Tie Everything Together – Quality Not Quantity

So what really made the difference? I can go from 2 hours to 4 hours. I do have the time to work that much if I schedule things well. What bothered me was could I keep up a high level of productivity for 4 hours. That bothered me because I worry about keeping up a high level of productivity for just 2 hours. But can anyone keep up a high level of productivity for even 2 hours let alone 4?

Now I’m back to enjoying my new four-hour goal. Want to know why? Because I’m putting in four hours and happy with the results. That’s the goal. Not being worried about the outcome. It doesn’t have to be four hours of a typing flurry. As far as quantity, sometimes I don’t see a lot. But sometimes I can think about it for a half hour, no typing, just thinking, and then I can add one sentence or change just one sentence and that can tie the whole paragraph together or sometimes tie the whole post together. And that’s quality.

 

Focus. It’s how we concentrate and get things done.

But it’s hard to focus when we’re worried about how we’re doing. Our minds are constantly switching from what we’re doing to how we’re doing. Are we getting enough done? Do we need to work faster? And can we get the work done?

I’ve had work to do that took every minute. I could barely stop for a break. And I’ve always enjoyed it under certain circumstances. And those circumstances are when I knew I could get the job done. It’s those times that I wasn’t sure if I could get it done that bothered me immensely and made it a terrible job. It wasn’t the work. Or that it was hard work. It was can I do it.

As long as I knew I could do it, it was just a lot of work. Not a lot of stress. Big difference! I can handle a lot of work. A lot of stress just wore me out and made me miserable. A day of hard work just made me tired. A good tired. Good to relax and be done for the day. But a lot of stress? Just wore me out and ruined my attitude and my evening and my sleep. Because I had it to do all over again the next day.

I’m too busy watching myself.

And it didn’t help that I was constantly checking myself. My mind was multi-tasking. Focusing on the work but evaluating myself in the background. Like a multi-tasking computer program, I wasn’t getting all the CPU cycles on what I needed to be working on. And the memory was being used by two different processes. Sometimes the self-checking and fear was getting the lion’s share of my focus.

I’m worried about the outcome of trying to figure out why I’m so obsessed with outcome

I worry so much about outcome. That’s why I’m not as productive as I can be. So I decided to try to figure out why I’m like that. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. But, now I’m worried that I’m not making a lot of progress on that. I’m worried about the outcome of trying to figure out why I’m so obsessed with outcome and what can I do about it. I almost can’t believe this.

I’ve heard people say to increase your focus get somewhere that’s quiet. Wear headphones and listen to soothing music. That doesn’t work with me. I can still hear what’s going on in my head.

Know what I hear? “How’s your progress?”, “You haven’t done that much” and “You have a goal of an hour and you haven’t typed anything in ten minutes. Just sitting there thinking”.

I only fail for a little while – What you’ve accomplished in the short run is not indicative of what you’ll get done it the long run

We want to deliver results but we don’t always have control over those results. The outcome. But we do have control over the process. I’m not saying be happy with the process and don’t worry about the results. Or if you fail you should still be happy because you stuck to the process. Not at all. I have found that if I focus on the process then I only fail for a little while. I was failing the last hour but this hour I’m making a lot of progress. Last hour I couldn’t think of a thing to type but now I’m typing as quickly as I can so I don’t forget the ideas I suddenly have. I was going to take a break but I can’t. I suddenly got in the zone and I want to keep it going. So different than what it was like the last hour. What you’ve accomplished in the short run is not indicative of what you’ll get done it the long run. How you’re doing right now is not a good indicator of how you’ll be doing later in the day. Or even tomorrow.

So just stop worrying and checking your progress. Easy, right?

No! Just easy to say you’ll do it. But if you give it some thought, a lot of thought, maybe you’ll come to realize too that the worry and staring over your own shoulder doesn’t help. It hurts. To really change, it doesn’t take will power. It doesn’t take bucking up and standing up to it and facing your fears head on and staring them down. It takes understanding.  And the more you understand, the more you can believe that things can be different.

Ask yourself repeatedly does this fear help. What is it doing to you. All the positive sayings and quotes and inspirational messages will make you feel good for a little while but they won’t do a lot of good in the long run. You have to figure this out for yourself. You have to convince yourself. Not through quotes and mantras, but through reasoning. Ask yourself, “what makes sense?”. Is it reasonable to believe this? What I’ve been doing, is it working? It takes time and it takes thought. But, it can be done and won’t take too long. The effort pays off. In the long run, you’ll create a new habit that increases your focus and productivity. But, even in the short run, it can help. Even for just brief periods, you’ll be able to do it. Even before it becomes a habit. That’s instant gratification, even for just short periods of time. Give it a minute.

Again, even if just for two minutes or five minutes, it’ll help. You’ll start to see you can do it and get better at it. And the more you do it the easier it’ll get and before too long it’ll become a habit.  But even before it becomes a habit, you’ll enjoy those two or five minutes for now. It takes thought and reasoning.

You need to be where you can explain it to someone else

You can’t just read this post or someone else’s and expect to really change. Think about what’s been said and how it applies to you. That’s fine. But understand what is going on with you. Think about it and think about it some more. Have you been reading self help posts and they don’t work? So you think you need to read more? Or just haven’t found the right one yet that gets you where you want to be? This truth needs to become a part of you. You need to be where you can explain it to someone else. You need to be able to show someone else that this is what can fix the problem. Because you really know it and understand it. I think you already know this. But you need to keep reminding yourself of it. Keep coming back to it.

Many others and myself had said that you need to focus on the process. Don’t worry about the outcome. I’ve told you what I think. But what do you think? That’s what is important.  Trust yourself and remember what you already know.