How do you add up?

Just how are you doing? Trying to be better? Trying to add to yourself? Be more  likeable? Become more interesting to talk to? How about making yourself more attractive with new clothes, hair, exercise? Learn new things so you’ll seem smarter?

Adding to yourself is a good thing. Makes you more likeable and a better person. But don’t forget, getting rid of a minus is as good as getting a plus. Are you pessimistic? Do your friends find that you can bring them down, on occasion? Get rid of that. That’s a plus!

Get Rid of that Negative

Get rid of that face that doesn’t smile much. Get rid of that argumentative streak you might have. Get rid of that being where you have to be right all the time. Or have the last word.

Sometimes it’s not what you add but what you take away. You add up the pluses AND the minuses.

Sometimes the pluses don’t add up that much. They add up but not weighted that much. But some minuses can be deal breakers. Some minuses can tilt way heavily against you. Some people may like and admire your pluses or just think they’re okay, but a minus, especially a big one, is hard to ignore. Or maybe put up with. Someone may forget the funny thing you said last weekend (that’s a plus) but they’ll remember that mean thing you said weeks ago (that’s a minus) for a long time.

Trying to Impress is a Minus

If you try to impress someone, it may or may not work. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. And sometimes it backfires because they know you’re trying to impress them. If you try to impress someone, it may turn out to be a minus. Do the math. But if you show someone that you’re impressed with them, it works every time. If you let someone know that you like them or something about them, that’s a real plus.

So don’t try to impress someone. Don’t take the risk of a minus. Sometime sooner, maybe later, depends on the person, people will realize that you don’t do anything to impress them. And they’ll wonder why. They’ll probably come to the conclusion that you don’t feel the need to impress them. And that will impress them. Think about someone who doesn’t try to make themselves look good. What would you think about that?

You may try to impress someone and sometimes it works. That’s instant gratification. But you’re taking a chance. It may backfire and become a minus. Letting someone realize that you don’t try to impress anyone may take some time. They may not pick up on it immediately. But they will pick up on it. You shouldn’t be trying for a quick fix. Don’t push it. Pushing it is when it usually turns out wrong.

Not trying to impress people doesn’t mean you won’t impress them sometimes. But it should be spontaneous. It should be natural. Don’t try to set it up. People are smart and know you’re doing it.

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.