Author: evhwolfgang

Sew Seeds and Things Will Grow

Are you sitting there trying to write an essay, a book or a blog? Trying to write some code for your software project or make a schedule? And nothing’s coming to you? You are getting some where. You’re sewing seeds. You’re giving your subconscious something to work on for you. Sew seeds with your subconscious

Ever hear of someone having an aha moment in the shower? Einstein discovered one of his best ideas while getting on a train. You can stop thinking about a problem but your subconscious will continue working on it for a while. Then sometimes when you least expect it it gives you the answer you were looking for. I’ve read that you subconscious will continue to work on a problem for a while after you’ve given up (I’ve read fifteen minutes, twenty minutes or thirty minutes. Maybe more). That’s how sometimes you try to remember someone’s name or the name of a song, you give up, and later it comes to you. The more times you think about a problem for a short time the more it works on the problem for you in the background.

Maybe you’ve reaped the benefits of that before but just don’t know it. Maybe today you sat down and wrote or solved a problem because you went through a time of difficulty before that. But you’ve forgotten it and just thankful that you’re doing so well now. Never really connected the two.

Your Subconscious Works On It For Free

Since the subconscious will continue to work on a problem after you’ve moved your attention to something else, it’s often very helpful to not spend a lot of time on something when it’s not working and the ideas are not flowing. Every time you take a break, your subconscious mind continues on the problem in the background so shorter and more frequent times spent on the problem work out to more times the subconscious works on it for free. You can go do something else or take a break and the background process is taken care of for you.

The subconscious mind can sometimes solve problems more effectively than our conscious mind. Sometimes I’ll work on a blog for a while, get almost no where, then take a break. When I come back to it nothing feels any different so I don’t expect much. Nothing is different until I start typing. Sometimes it’s almost like I’m just watching myself type. Wondering where all that came from. Sounds like magic but it’s not. It’s been well documented. And who needs documentation. How many times has it happened to you? 

Break It Up

Remember, it’s how many times you allow your subconscious to work on something. Spend an hour on something then come back to it and your subconscious has spent a little bit of time on it.  Or spend 15 or 20 minutes on it 3 or 4 times and your subconscious works on it a lot. You get a lot more of the benefits. For free!

If the ideas are flowing then go for it. If not, take a break and let that powerful part of your mind work it out.

It’s All In Your Head

Thankfully, most people don’t have any serious physical problems. There are problems you can have but most are not too bad. At least most of the time. But there are some other problems that people have that can be serious and long lasting. Absolutely devastating. And it is a lot of people!

So many people are suffering from doubt, anger and fear. A lack of confidence and self-esteem. Afraid to go out. To try something new. Or just try anything. Not happy with themselves. Expecting the worst. Afraid or distraught, everyday.

All of these are things that exist in our heads. We read books, go to seminars, watch videos and visit therapists just to change the way we think. We spend a lot of time and money just so we can see ourselves differently.

The Cure Is To Think Differently

Don’t get me wrong. This is real. This is a real problem sometimes just as bad or worse than a physical problem. I have this problem, too. And there’s nothing wrong with trying to get help for it. It’s just that sometimes it’s amazing how so many of our problems, maybe the majority of them, are because of what we think. How we view the world in our heads. And the cure is to think differently.

Not always. Sometimes you have a chemical imbalance that causes depression. That is a physical problem that requires medication and therapy. But if your depression and anxiety is caused by a lack of confidence or self-esteem or thinking that things will never get better then that’s a different type of treatment. That requires a different outlook. A new way of viewing yourself and your world.

You thoughts can make you miserable or set you free

Sometimes it’s just amazing to see how some people are suffering over what they think and others are not. One group sees things differently than the other. In many, many cases that is the only difference. Your thoughts can make you miserable or set you free.

Maybe you don’t have a chemical imbalance but you have had a string of bad luck like losing a job or a loved one. Or you don’t look like a model or a bodybuilder. Or you’re short. All these things can affect the way you think. Maybe you don’t have a lot of money and don’t have a nice car or nice clothes.

Not Being Cavalier

I’m not being cavalier by saying the cure is to think differently. I really think it is, but I know that’s easier said than done. I struggle with it, too. But it has helped me a lot to realize that attitude can make such a big difference. A positive difference. Sometimes it helps me to think about how things would be different if I thought differently. It’s certainly entertaining to explore all the possibilities. It’s easy to do when alone and in the comfort of my own home. I like to image what it would be like to not worry about what others think of me. That’s one of my favorites.

Possibilities – How things would be if you thought differently?

What are the possibilities? What would it be like if you just thought differently about some things? Not if things changed but if you changed. Your attitude about them changed. We spend so much time and money trying to change our thoughts. We want confidence. What is confidence? It’s when you think confidently and that you can achieve what you set out to do or handle it if things don’t go well.  We want happiness. What is happiness? It’s when you think things are going well or they’re not but you know you can handle it until they do get better.

What are you saying to the self-help gurus?

“Here’s my money for your course. Now, make me think differently. You don’t have to change any concrete things going on in my life or any of my circumstance. Just what I think about them. You don’t have to change what’s really going on. Just how I see them. You don’t have to give me any new abilities that will boost my confidence. Just make me feel confident the way I am. All I’m asking for is new thought processes.”.

Process Vs. Outcome

Nothing has interfered with my focus and my progress as much as worrying about the outcome. Nothing has ruined my drive and enthusiasm as much as that. Worrying about how much am I getting done. And it is especially hard to measure. And it’s easy to measure it wrongly. How do I measure it wrongly? By measuring how I’m doing right now. I can’t be at my best all the time. Some days are better than others. It needs to be measured over a particular period of time.

Overall

When you do a survey you don’t ask your question(s) of one person. Or just a couple. You ask a multitude of people on their thoughts. Same with how you’re doing. Maybe you’re having a hard time getting started today and you’re not getting a whole lot done. But how have you done in the past week? Overall, how have you been doing? If I’m not cranking it out right now then I’m losing focus because my mind is distracted by what I’m doing wrong. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m doing it the way it goes. Some days are better than others. That’s the way it is for every body.

I wanted to work on this earlier today but I couldn’t. I didn’t feel that I was going to get much done. So in despair I just went and sat out on the deck and thought about how much I didn’t like being like this. And I got to thinking that worrying about the process was what was holding me back. That helped, but what really helped is when I decided I would just not do anything for today. I was so disappointed at how I was letting it make me feel that I just gave up. Said to myself I’ll get back to it tomorrow. But today, I don’t care. I’m just too tired of caring. It’s wearing me out.

After a few more minutes, feeling good about the decision that I’d made, I started to relax. Now here I am working on this post. And, at least for now, I don’t care how much I get done. And the thoughts I’m having about all of this just keep flowing. I’m afraid I can’t type fast enough and I’ll forget some of them.

If the ideas stop flowing, that’s okay. There’s always tomorrow.

 

 

You don’t know how long it took me to write this post. And if reading it helps you in any way then you don’t care how long I took.

I want to enjoy writing posts but that’s hard to do when I turn it into a job. I want a post, but I want to enjoy doing it. I enjoy practicing my guitar if I’ll let myself. But sometimes I try to do too much. I want to get better but, again, I want to enjoy it. Sometimes I play my guitar for thirty minutes and sometimes I do an hour or two. But that’s what I feel like doing. That’s the amount of time I enjoy. If after an hour I don’t feel like practicing anymore then I can keep going but I really don’t make any progress. Sometimes it hurts. I get tired or disinterested or both and I start making mistakes. Or rather I start “practicing making  mistakes” that I have to undo next time.

 

 

 

 

 

Why Am I Always So Discouraged?

Why do I always doubt myself and what I’m trying to do? It just drains the ambition out of me. I try to encourage myself but so often I feel like I’m losing. That I’ll never get it. Others can do it but I doubt that I can. The word that comes to mind is despair. And then comes anger. Just so angry because it doesn’t seem fair.

I’m not asking for anything be given to me. I’ll work for what I get, but I feel that all the work I do will be for nothing because I just don’t have what it takes. Something will cause me to fail. It’s like good things don’t come my way.

 

I’m getting nowhere. I have a plan. I have a goal but it’s not working. I can’t focus. I keep checking something. I keep watching something. I keep coming back to something.  What is it? It’s my progress. I’m looking over my own shoulder. I’m judging myself.

I have a goal but even if I make it something is bothering me. Even if I’m on schedule something is wrong. Maybe I’m afraid it’s not a good enough goal. I think maybe I’m just afraid of getting behind. I’m on schedule now but what about an hour or two from now? I don’t like to play catch up. So I try to get far ahead. Then I feel confident. But after a while, my lead starts to shorten and I get worried again about getting behind.

It also bothers me that I’m not typing. I can be sitting here thinking about what to say but it’s like I few that as not getting anything done. I have to be typing. I need to see words and sentences and paragraphs that I’ve written.

Gratitude

What are you grateful for? Or have you even thought about it for a while? Be honest. How long has it been that you’ve listed the things you’re thankful for?

I have a friend in prison. Sometimes when I visit him I’ll mention (wish I would catch my self and stop) how I made a call or look something up on my cell phone. You should see the look on his face. He has to put in a form to get a phone call then stand in line to make it then stand up while he makes a 5-minute call. Hoping the person he wants to call will answer and accept the charges. And  I’m upset that I don’t have the latest phone.  It makes me feel bad that I put him through that but it makes me realize how well I have it. Give me strength that I don’t slip up and tell him about when I went out for some wings and beer.

Are Things Really That Bad

You’ve heard the old saying someone always has it worse than you. It’s a cliché, but it’s true. Do we really have it that bad? Or just inconveniences? And really, what do we rate as bad?

There are people in the world that would give anything for that steak that you complained was too dry. Or that soft drink that was warm. Wish you had a better house? Tell that to someone that sleeps outside. And really heartbreaking, that phone that you complain about and wish you could replace because you want the latest and the greatest but you don’t have the money? There are some that wish they just had one person they could call that was a friend or someone that cared about them.

As you waste your last breath complaining about Life, someone out there is breathing their last.

It seems like most of the time we take for granted what we have. We never notice it. We forget about it. We don’t acknowledge it. How often do we go to dinner at a nice restaurant and complain about what happened at work that day? Instead of saying “Look at me!. I have a job. And look at this nice food I have in front of me”. Some people have a ritual of giving thanks at the dinner table but do we just go through the motions? Do we ever stop mid-sentence, our mouths suddenly hanging open because we were hit with the thought that it really is good to have the food we have to eat in the homes we have?

Sometimes I think we’re not grateful when things are going well. We’re more grateful when things have taken a turn for the worse. When things are going okay we take it for granted and complain that things aren’t even better. But when things are their darkest we look for hope and are grateful for even a small bit of light at the tunnel. Someone can be diagnosed with a disease and be very grateful for a tiny bit of hope for a recovery. They’ll be feeling a lot more gratitude than someone who is doing fine. They fully appreciate any sliver of good news.

 

Oh, My Poor Focus!

I started this post this morning, 5 minutes a go, and it’s already going badly. Actually, I started another post but started on this one to document the troubles I’m having with all of it. Last night, I had planned my day today. A very productive day where I could get a lot done. I was very pleased with the plan I had come up with.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve managed to work about two hours a day on my blog and I had gotten a lot done. So I thought I could get more done if I put more time into it.

The two hours per day were easy but this morning I can’t seem to get started. Or I get started but I can’t stay focused.

I Can’t Enjoy My Break

My mind is racing. I have set this new goal and I don’t know if I can do it. I have doubled the time I’m going to put into it which meant I needed to get started as soon as I woke up. Now I feel under pressure.

There’s nothing wrong with setting a goal or working hard. But if it’s too ambitious we can feel overwhelmed and we can’t think about anything but can we do it.

I was going to try to put in a certain amount of time in the first part of the morning, take a break then get started again. I did the first part of the time and I was actually ahead. So I was ready to take a break. But then I got to worrying about starting the second part of the morning. What if I don’t get ahead and I can’t take a break or what if I get behind? Now I can’t enjoy my break.  I was so excited last night, but I’m not now.

I was getting more done two hours a day than I am now. And after thinking about it, I got more than two hours done. It seemed so doable that I didn’t feel pressure. Often I would do more. I felt in control. I worked in a relaxed manner and when I took a break I wasn’t worried about how I was doing. Now I’m feeling too much pressure.

My goal has to be what’s right for me. Not what I hear about other people doing. These other people, some of them may feel as overwhelmed as I do.

There’s a perfect balance you need to get things done. The goal can be challenging and the challenge can make you feel like you’ve really accomplished something. But if it’s too much you feel overwhelmed.

Sometimes I get more done when I just don’t care how much I get done. I don’t have a goal and it’s pressure free. And then I enjoy the work. I don’t want to be like that all the time, though. I do want to set a goal and work toward it. That’s what works most of the time.

It helps when I stop and ask myself what is wrong. And I can admit to myself that I feel overwhelmed. So I did that this morning and it really helped. In fact, I think I’m back on track to accomplish my new goal. I stopped working to think about what was bothering me which should have put me behind but it worked. I’m back on track and doing fine.

Now I’m back to my new goal. And it’s going fine. Same goal as an hour ago but what’s different is my attitude. At first I didn’t think I could do it then I saw that I could. I just needed a different way to look at it. I have my focus back and I’m being productive without a lot of anxiety.

Tie Everything Together – Quality Not Quantity

So what really made the difference? I can go from 2 hours to 4 hours. I do have the time to work that much if I schedule things well. What bothered me was could I keep up a high level of productivity for 4 hours. That bothered me because I worry about keeping up a high level of productivity for just 2 hours. But can anyone keep up a high level of productivity for even 2 hours let alone 4?

Now I’m back to enjoying my new four-hour goal. Want to know why? Because I’m putting in four hours and happy with the results. That’s the goal. Not being worried about the outcome. It doesn’t have to be four hours of a typing flurry. As far as quantity, sometimes I don’t see a lot. But sometimes I can think about it for a half hour, no typing, just thinking, and then I can add one sentence or change just one sentence and that can tie the whole paragraph together or sometimes tie the whole post together. And that’s quality.

 

Getting Rid Of A Minus Is As Good As Getting A Plus

How do you add up?

Just how are you doing? Trying to be better? Trying to add to yourself? Be more  likeable? Become more interesting to talk to? How about making yourself more attractive with new clothes, hair, exercise? Learn new things so you’ll seem smarter?

Adding to yourself is a good thing. Makes you more likeable and a better person. But don’t forget, getting rid of a minus is as good as getting a plus. Are you pessimistic? Do your friends find that you can bring them down, on occasion? Get rid of that. That’s a plus!

Get Rid of that Negative

Get rid of that face that doesn’t smile much. Get rid of that argumentative streak you might have. Get rid of that being where you have to be right all the time. Or have the last word.

Sometimes it’s not what you add but what you take away. You add up the pluses AND the minuses.

Sometimes the pluses don’t add up that much. They add up but not weighted that much. But some minuses can be deal breakers. Some minuses can tilt way heavily against you. Some people may like and admire your pluses or just think they’re okay, but a minus, especially a big one, is hard to ignore. Or maybe put up with. Someone may forget the funny thing you said last weekend (that’s a plus) but they’ll remember that mean thing you said weeks ago (that’s a minus) for a long time.

Trying to Impress is a Minus

If you try to impress someone, it may or may not work. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. And sometimes it backfires because they know you’re trying to impress them. If you try to impress someone, it may turn out to be a minus. Do the math. But if you show someone that you’re impressed with them, it works every time. If you let someone know that you like them or something about them, that’s a real plus.

So don’t try to impress someone. Don’t take the risk of a minus. Sometime sooner, maybe later, depends on the person, people will realize that you don’t do anything to impress them. And they’ll wonder why. They’ll probably come to the conclusion that you don’t feel the need to impress them. And that will impress them. Think about someone who doesn’t try to make themselves look good. What would you think about that?

You may try to impress someone and sometimes it works. That’s instant gratification. But you’re taking a chance. It may backfire and become a minus. Letting someone realize that you don’t try to impress anyone may take some time. They may not pick up on it immediately. But they will pick up on it. You shouldn’t be trying for a quick fix. Don’t push it. Pushing it is when it usually turns out wrong.

Not trying to impress people doesn’t mean you won’t impress them sometimes. But it should be spontaneous. It should be natural. Don’t try to set it up. People are smart and know you’re doing it.

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.